You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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