you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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