You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
