I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
