consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
