Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
