why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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