Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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