Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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