New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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