I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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