it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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