So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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