sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
