Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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