You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
