Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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