Whod you bang
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
