He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just crazy horny about you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
