I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone came in the potted fern
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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