Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
did i just pee glitter
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
