I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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