I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
