my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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