Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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