I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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