The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
