At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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