I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
