counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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