before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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