don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
