he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
