The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wrigley field is MILF paradise
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
