i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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