I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
