Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
