i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
