I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
