We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
