Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
