honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
