I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
