I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
