someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
