Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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