I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
