just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
