Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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