we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
