It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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