so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
